Saturday Night Catastrophe!
by So Happily Unsatisfied
Summary: See what a container of Pringles and my little brother can do to liven up a Saturday night! Me, 4 friends, 2 dogs, my brother somehow end up in the Naruto world. See what havoc we cause. FUNNY! WARNING: May have extreme fan girl-ism. You have been warned.
1. Prologue

**So Happily Unsatisfied**** here! My first real **_**Naruto**_** fan fiction, ****so please review****. I want your totally honest opinions on my fan fic.**

**Constructive criticism is always welcomed, but flames will be rewarded with immediate electrocution to the sender (read the fan fic, get the joke).**

**Disclaimer: Because I would prefer not to be sued for everything I am worth and then some, I do not own anything Naruto. Just this fan fiction and the characters.**

**K-chan: YOU DON'T OWN US! WE ARE REAL PEOPLE!**

**So Happily Unsatisfied****: WRONG, my little emo friend. HANNAH does not own, but **_**I**_** control your fate!**

**K-chan: I can take you! (gets into martial arts fighting stance).**

**So Happily Unsatisfied****: (grows twenty feet tall) Oh yeah?**

**K-chan: (cowers back) ok…**

**So Happily Unsatisfied****: (cockily) Yeah, I thought so. Please enjoy the fan fiction.**

**Character list:**

**Hannah**: Authoress, narrator, queen of sarcasm, psycho animal rights activist, and total art freak. I am strongly opinionated and often tend to over react _just_ _a smidge_. I have long and wavy blondish-brown hair, hazel eyes, semi-pale skin, 5'3", and I more often than not wear a beret.

18 years old in the real world; 13 years old in the _Naruto_ world.

**Zack**: Annoying little brother (we all have one or know what they are like, right?), who likes to cough-attempt-cough to play the drums. He is the undisputed Narutard champ of the group. Short and slightly spiky dark brown hair, taupe eyes, 5'2", and sun-kissed tan skin. Imagine first season Naruto with brown eyes, slightly flatter, brown hair, and no whiskers.

15 years old in the real world; 10 years old in the _Naruto_ world.

**Vera**: My BFF. She is a great writer, and a _Harry Potter_ fan. Pretty cynical, almost as sarcastic as I am, and can get annoyed with Zack sometimes even more than I do. She is the only one out of the bunch who is NOT a Narutard. Thick, long, and straight auburn hair; hazel eyes; milky skin, 5'3", and long face.

20 years old in the real world; 15 years old in the _Naruto_ world.

**K-chan**: My gothic, random, hyper friend since childhood. Wicked guitar player, serious Kendo athlete, and is always stylish. Uchiha and Kakashi fan girl. Long, pin-straight blonde hair; umber eyes; peach skin; 5'6"; and lean, toothpick-like body.

19 years old in the real world; 14 years old in the _Naruto_ world.

**Momo**: Cool, spazzy, peach and mango loving friend of my brother and me. Shino fan girl. Short and straight black hair, chocolate eye color, deep brown skin, 5'4", and bright and wide smile.

17 years old in the real world; 12 years old in the _Naruto_ world.

**Steven**: Diligent, smart, funny, athletic friend of my brother and me. Likes _Twilight_ and draws incredible anime. Shaved blonde hair, Prussian blue eyes, wheat color skin, 5'8", and toned body.

18 years old in the real world; 13 years old in the _Naruto_ world.

**Sadie**: My red haired cocker spaniel. Sadie is aggressive, protective, attention lover, and leader of the two dogs. Except for the hair color, she would be my clone if I was a dog or she was a human. 10 (human) years old in the real world; 2 (human) years old in the _Naruto _world.

**Snoopy**: Black, white, and brown cocker spaniel. A real sweetheart, who loves people. Follows Sadie's lead but is not confrontational without her. 8 (human) years old in the real world; 1 (human) year old in the _Naruto_ world.

**Prologue**

It started out as just another ordinary Saturday night hanging out with my friends. Vera, K-chan, Momo, Steven, and I all sat around the kitchen table and ate loads of junk food, chased down said food down with piping hot chocolate and marshmallows, shared our infamously random conversations, and indulged comfortably in the warmth of my house's heating system that cold January night. Sounds totally normal, right?

"Hey, K-chan, why did you bring your guitar with you?" Momo asked while staring at K-chan who was rapt in caressing the strings of beautifully polished folk guitar.

"Why _not_ bring my guitar?" K-chan, who took the question as a personal insult to her and her instrument, snapped back at a nervous looking Momo. Her piercing umber eyes bore deeply into Momo's fear struck, bittersweet chocolate ones. It was as if K-chan tried to break you down whenever she shot her unlucky victim that look. There was no doubt that she is scary whenever she gets angry and we all were wise enough not to piss her off. That is, all but one of us.

Running down the stairs came my younger brother, who apparently didn't have anything better to do on a Saturday night than bother us. He darted to the kitchen and carried his instruments of sheer annoyance – his drumsticks. "You brought your guitar?! 1-2-3-4!" Zack managed to say and started banging some overzealous, erratic melody on any and every hard surface he could find, which included my head and K-chan's guitar.

K-chan had the look of the devil painted on her face when Zack pounded his sticks onto her precious guitar. I did not bother to react to Zack banging on my head because I knew that K-chan's revenge would be enough payback for the both of us.

"Hannah, I am gonna kill your brother." K-chan bellowed evilly. Without shifting my vision away from the doodle I was working on, I replied to the infuriated girl by saying "ok, just don't make a mess."

Vera wore an exuberant smile on her face knowing that Zack was going to get his, and Steven was so absorbed in his _Twilight_ book, he did not care enough to hold K-chan back from ripping him to shreds. She neared towards the trembling boy as she cracked her knuckles. With each little cracking noise, K-chan seemed to move a little closer to the fearful boy, but lucky for him, Momo got up from her seat and tried to calm K-chan down. Zack thanked Kami that Momo was there to protect him, and K-chan completely forgot about paying my dear little brother back because when he looked at the clock hanging on the wall, Zack ardently exclaimed "_Naruto_ is on!"

That was all it took for everyone but Vera to run to the basement where the best television in the house is located. Vera, a _Naruto_ virgin, begrudgingly treaded down to the TV room and took her place on the couch. Zack turned on the TV and we were just in time for the theme song. All the Narutards in the room sang along (and knew all the words because that is how we all are obsessed with the anime) to the theme song and Vera cried in pain from the sound of our horribly off tuned voices. I have to admit, all of us together singing sounded like Chidori making contact with a thousand chalkboards, but it's fun to do, so we do it anyway. Sorry Vera.

"Keep it down, Vera! We are trying to w-" Zack started to say to said girl, but was interrupted by all the power in the house shutting off.

"Are you –_censored_– kidding me!?" Steven exclaimed angrily. He gently put down his beloved book down, released his ever-growing frustration, and gave the poor TV a few good kicks. And of course, _Twilight_ securely sat on a cushion out of harm's way.

"OMFG! That was my _–censored–_ arm!" Momo exclaimed heatedly. The whole house was in complete darkness from the power outage and no one could even see in front of his or her face. Lucky for us, Vera, who had been writhing on the couch quite uncomfortably for some time now finally stood up and pulled out a flashlight from in between two couch cushions.

"And let there be light!" she exclaimed while flipping on the switch. Sadie and Snoopy must have saw the light from the middle floor because they raced down to the basement with the rest of us as soon as that switch was flipped on. Because they like Vera the best, Sadie and Snoopy ran up to her. Vera welcomed them in open arms and petted them reassuringly as if they were her own children. While she was preoccupied with the dogs, Momo thanked Vera courteously and took the flashlight so she could slap Steven in the back of the head. I snatched the flashlight out of Momo's hands and pulled Zack by the arm. "Let's go check the power box," I said.

I handed Zack the flashlight, grabbed my dad's toolbox, and we walked into the other room where the circuit breaker resides. "Are you seriously going to try and fix that thing?" Zack asked, trying to hold back a laughing fit. If anyone would know about my incompetence with tools, it would be Zack, but I was not in the mood to let him make a fool out of me while my friends were around, so I was determined to prove myself worthy of the tools.

"Shut-up! I can do this!" I exclaimed angrily and opened the toolbox to look for a screwdriver or something like that. Of course my plan was off to a great start when I opened the toolbox. Honestly, I couldn't have felt any stupider when I discovered I grabbed by drawing supplies box by mistake.

Zack cackled at my mistake, but I just put down my supplies and said, "Screw this, I can fix this without _'tools.'_" "Pfft! I'm bad with tools anyway! I might as well go without them." I thought when I opened the power box, extended my arm, and touched a wire that looked a little loose. As a result of my stupidity, I get electrocuted by the _–censored–_ wires. Blue jolts of electricity visibly surged through my body and I cried for Zack's help. He stared at me blankly for a while before he finally said, "I'm hungry. I'm gonna get some Pringles!" and ran upstairs with the flashlight leaving me with the blue jolts of electrical current as my only light source.

"Where are you going?! I am getting electrocuted, damnit!" I screamed on the top of my lungs at my idiot brother. I finally worked up the strength, no thanks to that oinker upstairs, to pull my hand away from the wire and I _–thud–_ down to the ground. The power then came back on, (ha! ha!), but the alarm decided to go off and made a blaring, annoy screech.

A moment or two later, I heard my friends and my dogs run into the room, all looking like they were ready to beat me with the objects they held in their hands. K-chan with her guitar, Steven with Zack's drumsticks, Vera with her two-ton purse, and Momo with her decorated _Naruto_ binder. Then right on cue, Zack came running down with the container of barbeque Pringles and screamed, "wait, you all are going to beat up Hannah and you didn't invite me!?" He then snatched the drumsticks out of Steven's hands and almost hit me, but Steven held him back.

"Why are you all staring at me and not helping me off the frickin' floor!?" I exclaimed angrily and then Momo and K-chan helped me up.

"We thought someone broke in." Vera said and pointed out my screams of pain, glass breaking, and the alarm going off. I look to my side and see that my arm must have broken the glass window as I was falling and I cursed profusely. I saw my cut up arm ooze with a sticky red substance and listened to it splash on the ground. "Great. Blood. Excuse me, but I think I'm gonna be sick."

"Don't make a mess." Zack said with a hint of cruel irony. I stared at him with a K-chan stare, but he appeared unaffected. Damn. Instead, a wide smirk ran across his face waved the Pringles' container in my face. "Mom is gonna kill you" were the five annoying words he chose to taunt me with.

Unable to control my anger any longer, I screamed "I am gonna kill you!" at the baka, and I chased him around the room. Butt in mid-dash, he nervously let out a huge fart that resulting in successfully knocking out both dogs. Vera whisked the container of Pringles away from Zack's reach and was more than willing to join me in chasing him around the room when she started to feel woozy. In fact, all of us but Zack became lightheaded and the toxic fumes proceeded in us blackening out.

"It's not that b-" Zack replied, but the gases begin to affect him as it did with the rest of us.

**Thanks for reading my fan fiction! Before I draw this Prologue to a close, I want to send warm birthday wishes to K-chan (turned nineteen yesterday) and Vera (turns twenty tomorrow)! Love ya both!**


	2. Announcement

**ANNOUNCEMENT!**

**Dear Readers,**

**Hi there, everybody! Thank you so, so much for reading my fan fiction. I truly appreciate you all taking the time and reading mine out of the millions of fan fictions already listed on this site. That makes me so happy!**

**Alrighty then. I am writing this notice to you because I have a few announcements I need to share with you guys. First of all, I have reread and re-edited the Prologue for "**_**Saturday Night Catastrophe!"**_** I noticed a bunch of grammar mistakes after I posted it on and finally fixed them and added a little bit more in there as well. I would have done it sooner, but college beckons. :P**

**Second of all, I want to make a public apology to my brother, Zack for not mentioning his assistance to the story and for making him seem like a total ass. After chapter 1, I will try and share the idiocy with everyone else instead of directing it mostly to you. Zack, you still are going to look stupid, but so will the rest of us. Okay?**

**Thirdly, I promise I won't take as long to update this fan fiction like I have been doing. As of late, I've been goofing off a lot, so if I'm going to procrastinate doing my homework, I might as well put that crapping around time to good use and give you guys more chapters.**

**And lastly, I know what I am going to write for the next chapter or so, but I am open for any suggestions. I am trying to get out of my dry spell and could really use your help.**

**Now please enjoy the revised version of **_**"Saturday Night Catastrophe!" **_**Prologue. And chapter one will be available some time later this week or on Sunday of next week.**

**Love,**

_**So Happily Unsatisfied**_


	3. Chapter 1

**Welcome back to "Saturday Night Catastrophe!" Last time, an ordinary Saturday night at home took an unexpected twist when the power went out during everyone's (except Vera's) beloved show, **_**Naruto.**_** A few kicks, bitch slaps, electrocutions, and obnoxious banter later, the power came back on, but the rest us got our lights knocked out by deadly Pringle flatulence.**

**What happened to us now? Are we dead from Zack's poisonous fumes? Have we made it to our destination unharmed? Will we ever return back to the real world? Will we all live to see future chapters or perish at the hands of murders and ninja, starvation and thirst, pedophiles and flunkies, insanity and fan girls, DRUMSTICKS AND POTATO CHIPS!? **_**(Pause to take breath).**_

**Disclaimer: Zack and I are only responsible for this fan fiction and own nothing else. Because if either of us did own **_**Naruto,**_** (SPOILER! SPOILER! SPOILER!) Hinata would not have died in the last chapter. I just finished watching the manga and I am FURIOUS! Now, if you excuse me, I need to go collect the seven Dragon Balls so I can revive Hinata. In the meantime, please enjoy the fan fiction.**

_**So Happily Unsatisfied**_**: Yo Goku! Get your monkey ass back over here and gimme those balls!**

**Chapter 1**

I try to open my eyes, but my vision is all but clear. "What happened?" I asked myself while trying to process where exactly am I. Everything around me looked like a vibrant colored oil painting that someone brushed up against it and smeared the canvas it before it fully dried.

"Ah! I'm blind!" Vera exclaimed while frantically waving her arms around like a crazy woman. Sadie then grunted when she began to pick herself up off the ground and pranced over to a hysterical Vera. You could hear the dog sigh as she tugged my glasses off of Vera's face and walked over to me. "Damn, Hannah. You're blind!"

The spaniel dropped my silver rimmed glasses from her mouth onto my lap and I was about to say something back to Vera for calling me blind when I saw where we were. My glasses helped me see that the three of us were sitting in a leafy green forest with very tall trees that towered like skyscrapers, flowers that decorated the ground delicately, and little woodland creatures freely roaming the landscape. It looked almost like postcard, and I instantly fell in love with what I saw and felt the need to draw.

Vera rolled her eyes and even snickered a little when I noticed my art supply box was here too, and I cradled and caressed the container as if it were my own child. "Oh! Kami loves me!" I cried and eagerly started to pull out charcoal sticks, chalk pastels, and erasers. My babies were safe from harm's way and were about to fulfill my desire until I made an amazing revelation that only a genius like myself would be able to conduct several moments after preparing my supplies for my next masterpiece. "I don't have any paper! NOOOOO!"

"Shut the hell up, Hannah! Stop being such a Drama Queen," Vera scowled at my hyperventilating form. Of course, I was not paying attention because I was too busy banging my dense noggin into nearby trees in a vain attempt to release my building frustration. Vera noticed that I was starting to break trees, so impelled me to stop by forcefully pulling me away from the skyscraper tree by my blouse collar. I finally ceased once I realized I was banging my head into air and turned around to see Vera glaring at me with the biggest vein throbbing on her brow.

"What's got you all worked up?" I asked my friend, but the question only made the vein grow bigger. Don't ask me how, though! I didn't even think it was possible for a vein to get so big. Must. Resist. Urge. To. Poke.

"Is that thing gonna pop or something if I poke it?" I asked her childishly, which seemed to make it grow even more. Since she decided not to answer my question, I decided to get a stick a start poking, but she snatched it and broke it in half. "Hey!"

"Hannah! Stop being so ADD and focus! Where are we?"

"Looks like we're in a forest."

"But how did we get here?"

"You know as well as I do," I said before my stomach started growling like a wild animal, and in perfect unison, two more stomachs began to chime in with the same tune.

"I'm hungry," we all managed to say simultaneously. Erm, well, Sadie whimpered it, but you get the gist. None of us knew exactly how long we had been out cold, but it definitely felt like it was past mealtime. But to our good fortune, Vera's face lit up happily when she discovered what she was holding in her hands: Zack's Pringles container.

Sadie and I moved closer to Vera to inspect the tasty treats that resided in that beautiful container, but when the plastic lid was removed, all three of our faces dropped. There was only one chip left.

"Who gets it?"

"Well, obviously me because I brought it here."

"No way. It is from MY house, so the chip is MY property."

"Yes, so the polite thing to do would be to offer your guest some food."

"Last time I checked, I did not own a huge ass forest, so you are not my guest. My chip."

"The chip would not even be here if it weren't for me! My chip."

"You humans have larger stomachs, so it's MY food."

"Gimme the damn chip!" I demanded and snatched the container out of Vera's hands, which enraged a flaming mad Vera. She attempted to play the K-chan card by staring me down with piercing eyes, but I only returned the favor with my own K-chan glare. Of course, no one can do it like K-chan, so our stares failed to have the same effect, but neither of us was ready to back down. Our eyes locked and we circled each other like we were the two main characters of an old black and white Western. The forest scene fell and the two of us appeared in the Wild West dressed in cowboy garb and armed with pistols.

"This chip ain't big enough for the both of us."

The showdown was about to begin, but Sadie's shrill barking suddenly broke the tension. We turned our heads to look at Sadie, but could not find what she was barking at so ferociously, until we felt a gush of wind hit us and the Pringles container disappeared.

"No," a voice announced somewhere from the shadows, "this is the last chip. The last chip is the most sacred of ALL the chips and is to be consumed by only the most experienced and honorable taster. None of you have earned that privilege, so I alone must uphold the h–"

"Shut-up and give us back our food!" Vera and I screamed, but all we heard was a powerful crunch sound. Then, our thief emerged from the shadows to reveal a very content Choji Akimichi.

"The honor of the chip has been rest–" Choji said but a shoe thrown at his head interrupted his epic speech. "Let's make him pay" were the last words he heard before the three violent bitches attacked. I charged at him from the front and dove at his feet while Vera snuck up from behind and ensnared his arms. I then kicked him where it hurts, so we were granted the opportunity to bring him to his knees and hold him down so Sadie could take care of the rest. Although before the scene got too bloody, our bodies became stiff and we totally lost the ability to move our limbs.

"What the hell is wrong with you troublesome girls?" groaned a frustrated Shikamaru. He, Ino, and Asuma approached us and pulled us off their injured teammate.

"He stole the last of our food!" I pouted to Team Asuma and sent the wounded culprit an icy glare.

"Choji, what did I tell you about upsetting hungry PMS-ing girls?" uttered Asuma and that comment seemed to have piqued Ino's curiosity.

"Not to unless I want to meet my untimely end," Choji recited robotically.

"Very good. Now have a cookie," Asuma said and tossed a cookie at Choji, who easily caught the snack in his mouth. He munched happily on his shuriken-shaped cookie while Vera, Sadie, and I sorrowfully drooled over the food. Saliva trickled down the sides of our mouths and dripped off our chin while that oinker who stole our potato chip was ingesting the cookie.

"Um, hello? Can you release us now?" I asked with a very irritated tone, and Shikamaru deactivated his jutsu. Once the shadow receded, Vera and I helped each other up and Vera scooped Sadie up into her arms.

"I do not see Konoha headbands on either of you. State your names, Village, and purpose for being here," Asuma said nonchalantly.

"I'm Vera," Vera started while petting Sadie lovingly.

"And I'm Hannah. Oh, and this is my dog Sadie," I said and gestured to the dog that was being spoiled by my friend.

"Who are you?" Vera asked. She obviously did not watch the show and when we get back home, I intend to fix that little problem.

"I am Sarutobi Asuma of Konoha and this is my team," Asuma said and gestured to each of his pupils when he called out their names, "Nara Shikamaru, Yamanaka Ino, and Akimichi Choji."

"Nice to meet you. We are from Baltimore. How far away are we exactly?" Vera asked, effectively begetting four very curious and confused faces. We were obviously not in Maryland anymore.

"I've never heard of that Village before. What country is it in?" Shikamaru asked.

"America?" Vera uttered. She was looking pretty scared that she was this far away from home.

"Um, what my friend means to say is we are a long way from home and we don't know where we are or how we got here."

"You are on the border between Konoha and the Fire Country." Asuma answered calmly.

"Where were you from again? Do they all wear such weird clothes or is it just you two?" the blonde anorexic girl asked smugly. I merely smiled childishly and replied by saying, "I don't know. Does everyone in Konoha dress like whores or is that just you?"

Vera giggled and added, "shouldn't you go back to your day job at the brothel, blondie?" The two of us snickered at our comments and the reaction on Ino's face. Apparently, she was not used to people calling out her _extremely_ protective midriff top and mini skirt as sluttish. She glowered over us, pulled out a kunai tucked away in a little pouch strapped to her leg, and came at us while we were still laughing. Neither one of us noticed Ino or her kunai until she released an ear piercing shrill. When then discovered that Sadie had been defending us while we were rapt in our little laughing fit, and bit Ino's nose.

"AAAAH! GET OFF! I PAID GOOD MONEY FOR THAT!!!" she screamed on the top of her lungs while trying to shake the angry Cocker Spaniel off, but no luck. Choji, Vera, and I were laughing our asses off, Asuma tried to detach Sadie from Ino's artificial nose, and Shikamaru just rolled his eyes and muttered something about troublesome women.

* * *

Thirsty.

That was the only thought that crossed Steven's mind when he had finally awoken from that deep, unperturbed sleep. He remained on the ground and wallowed in the sharp pain that had plagued his throat. It was so dry and sticky that it even hurt just to breath. His lips were so chapped and parched that he could not even feel them anymore.

Finally getting tired of lying down absorbed in dehydration, Steven slowly opened one eye at a time and tried to make out exactly where he was. At first, he could have sworn he saw flashes of the yellow sun, but if the sun was ever really there, it was gone now. Nothing but grey walls surrounded him now, but there was a little window placed on the end of one. Steven lifted his body up and moved towards that little portal to the outside world.

It was raining out there, but there were no doors that could lead him out of this dull colored room. He was still so thirsty and just wanted to go outside and drink. All he could do was stare out the window and watch the rain fall and the "Welcome to Forks, Washington" sign.

Wait…what?

Steven does a double take and the sign is still there. A small smirk then began to crawl upon his face until it evolved into a dangerous looking smile. "_OMG! My dream must have finally come true. I'm in _Twilight!_ Wait, if my dream about being in _Twilight_ came true_…_I must be a vampire, too!"_

"I'M A VAMPIRE!" WHOOT!" He screamed, but then was reminded of his dry, scratchy throat. After coming to the conclusion that he was probably craving blood, a girl appeared lying on the floor by his feet. Steven smiled, lifted the girl up, and bit her neck. All that was sounded by the girl was a yelp while he drank the scarlet fluid from her neck.

-Back to reality-

Steven dragged his victim out of a clump of yellow sad and smile sadistically before he bit her neck. No blood was really drawn, but Momo could still feel Steven's teeth, so she wriggled one arm free and pounded her fist into his arm until he _oh-so-gently­_ dropped her. Momo stood back up, dusted the sand off her clothes, and screamed as loudly as she could, "OMFG! STEVEN! What the HELL are you doing BITING my –censored– neck?!"

"I'm Edward Cullen, bitch! Stand still so I can bite you," He replied, while still absorbed in a heat-induced fantasy. Before Momo could give Steven another smack, a stampede of rabid fan girls appeared out of nowhere screamed "EDWARD! We love you! Bite me! Bite me!" That mass of _Twilight-_obsessed readers ran at top speed at Steven and began to rip him to ribbons, which effectively pulled Steven out of his "Cullen-cination." Once he was brought back to reality, he cried out for Momo's help.

"Momo! Help! I am being attacked by crazy fan girls!"

"Sorry, Steven. That's what you get for giving me a freaking hickey," Momo replied while eating a mango she somehow managed to pull out of thin air. She peeled the skin off her favorite food and before she got to sink her teeth into the sweet treat, a huge gust of wind and sand blew her way. A couple of fan girls were blown away from the attack and before they disappeared into the sky with nothing but a _PING_ noise, they screamed "Team Edward's blasting off againnnn!"

Momo and Steven turned to face where the sudden sandstorm came from and saw an irritated blonde girl holding an oversized fan and some weirdo in black Footie Pajamas wearing a bandaged container on his back.

"Can't you girls EVER go home!?" the blonde with five ponytails bellowed treacherously.

Most of the girls look petrified now. They obviously weren't _that_ stupid to not know that crossing this girl's path was not going to end well. But one random fan girl cried out from above the crowd, "not without Edward!"

Steven weakly crawled out of the mob and yelled "I'm not Edward Cullen!" Momo gasped when she saw what those girls had done to him. His clothes were all torn and his figure was bloodied from all the crazies clawing at him like some kind of kitty scratching post.

Momo felt incredibly guilty for not helping him, so yelled over the crowd of fanatical girls, "Edward is over there!" and pointed at the guy wearing a black cat suit and makeup. Apparently, they took the bait because off they went to glomp and attack poor Kankuro. Temari could not help but chuckle at the sight her brother being chased around the desert by Team Edward.

"Is he going to be ok?" Momo guiltily asked the iron fan wielder. Temari nodded confidently and smiled. "Are you kidding? We're Gaara's siblings. We handle fan girls ALL the time."

"Thanks for saving me," muttered the semi-conscious Steven.

"Your friend doesn't look so good. We should get him medical attention." Temari stated and lifted Steven up bridal style. "Suna is not far from here. I'll lead the way."

"But what about him?" Momo gestured at Kankuro, who was still running for his life.

"Oh, he'll be fine. He's from Suna and Suna ninja can handle anything, especially a few fan girls," Temari said with certainty with her back to Kankuro. And during her reassuring speech, Momo only watched Kankuro trip over his own feet and then be trampled by the fan girls. They were closing in on him and Mr. Footie Pajamas began to scream.

* * *

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Petrified screams echoed throughout the entire field as the two people and one dog fell from the sky. Their bodies plummeted downwards at an alarming rate and the further they fell, the louder the screams got until three giant crash noises were made and a dirt mushroom cloud emerged from the ground. The mushroom cloud made the air thick with dirt and dust making it difficult for the ones who fell from the sky to breathe. It took a few minutes but the cloud finally faded making the air clean and clear again.

"Oh, my head!" K-chan whined and hesitantly picked her body up and sat down on a boulder. She called for a dog to do the same because she remembered when falling from the sky, the distinct taste of dog hair in her mouth and smell of urine on her blouse. Well, it had better have been a dog that did that.

Like she had thought, Snoopy picked himself up and crawled out of the crater with K-chan.

"Are you ok, boy?" she asked while giving the dog a quick look over. How was it that she and him only came out of that fall with a few aches and scratches? It was almost as if she was part of a cartoon where the character could fall off the edge of a cliff and fall down the nearly bottomless pit without anything more than a few bandages placed on various parts of his or her body. The fall she and Snoopy took was surely fatal.

Suddenly, K-chan heard a groan and a holler. Apparently someone did not make it out unscathed.

"Ouch! It hurts!" Zack cried while laying on his back. Tears streamed down his eyes and his hands clutched his knees tightly in response to the agony he was feeling.

"Zack, what's wrong?" K-chan asked the blubbering boy and he pointed to his derrière. K-chan tentatively turned Zack over and practically fell over from laughing.

"It's stuck!" Zack cried and pointed to the drumstick that had lodged itself halfway up his butt. Snoopy timidly walked over to Zack's problem area and sniffed the drumstick. He looked at it peculiarly, but jump back to K-chan, when Zack started to writhe in searing waves of pain and the stick jigged.

"Shut up!" he yelled loudly at the laughing girl. _"She might be as bad as Hannah!" _Zack thought while K-chan fell to the ground chuckling. "STOP LAUGHING, STUPID!"

But Zack's voice was raised so loudly, a flock of birds abandoned the trees that stood in the background and one got so scared that a bird bomb crashed on Zack's head. K-chan then laughed so incredibly hard, that her heart stopped and the laughter was finally silence. She had laughed herself to death.

"_Finally someone listens to me!"_ Zack thought and almost smiled at the quietude.

"I think the screaming came from over hear, Orochimaru-sama," stated a silver haired man with large glasses to a pale skinned man with greasy long hair. The two men garbed in flowing black robes plastered in red and white clouds walked over to the crater and saw the dead girl, the tortured boy, and the cowering pooch. "Kabuto, tend to the girl. I will oversee the boy."

"Hai, Orochimaru-sama." Kabuto bowed his head to his master and walked over to K-chan.

Orochimaru gracefully approached my poor little brother and smiled. He obliged to end Zack's suffering by pulling out the alleged drumstick…by using his snakelike tongue. He tongue whipped out of his mouth, wrapped tightly around the stick in his ass, and then he pulled. Zack's eyes bulge so widely, they almost fell out of their sockets from the pain of the Michael Jackson wannabe pulling out the drumstick and the fact that he was doing it so willingly with his tongue.

Kabuto rested K-chan on the boulder she was sitting on before and brought his glowing blue hands to her torso. After a few moments of using his chakra to force her heart to restart beating, he pulled his hand away and gave her the chance to do it on her own. K-chan opened her eyes and the first thing she saw was Orochimaru trying to "help" Zack, which caused her to die again.

A few seconds after K-chan died a second time, the drumstick flew out of Zack's ass, but Orochimaru caught it with is tongue and returned it back to Zack. "I believe this belongs to you" he said lowly and the boy would only look at the thing in disgust. Orochimaru placed it beside Zack and was about to ask Zack how he got here when the boy started to hyperventilate.

"HOLY MOTHER CRACKERS! IT'S OROCHIMARU!" Zack screamed at his awesome revelation.

Orochimaru smirked contently that Zack recognized him probably from his fame. Zack must have known about his immeasurable power and perhaps he could convince him to come back with him. He could somehow tell that this boy had potential. The oily locked man calmly waited to hear the words Zack was trying to say before speaking.

"O-O-Or-Oro-Orochimaru! A-A-AAAAAAAAHHHHH! YOU ARE GONNA F***ING RAPE ME!"

The upwards curl of Orochimaru's lips sunk from his face immediately and his bony white hands covered Zack's mouth to silence his calls for help.

"FOOL! Do you want the Akatsuki to hear you?"

Zack shook his head "no" vigorously until Orochimaru removed his foul tasting hand from his mouth. _"What the hell has he been touching? Wait…I don't want to know."_ Zack thought and prayed he did not say that out loud.

"Um, aren't you Akatsuki?" Zack asked at gestured to the robes.

"We are undercover." Kabuto replied without taking his eyes off K-chan. He was deeply concentrating on bringing her back to life a second time. _"Bitch better not die again."_ The disgruntled flunky thought. She was using up all his chakra reserves!

"But don't the Akatsuki already know who you two are? What would dress-"

"SILENCE!" Orochimaru demanded and Zack nervously obeyed. "You have no idea how clever these disguises are," he said while twirling a fake mustache Zack did not notice he had on. Oh course, even Zack knew it would not be wise to further argue with the Sannin, so just decided to keep his mouth shut. The last thing he wanted was to end up like–

"Whoa! That was intense!" K-chan exclaimed after coming back to the Land of the Living for the third time. Kabuto looked exhausted now and leaned back again the boulder while K-chan jumped up and down to prove she was ok. She turned to thank her fatigued savior, but when she processed it was Kabuto from the _Naruto_ world, her eyes rolled in the back of her head and she dropped dead once again.

Kabuto growled weakly and was about to help K-chan ONCE AGAIN, but Zack said, "oh just leave her there. She's just a stupid fan girl friend of my sister." Kabuto and Orochimaru shuttered at the mention of fan girls. The Professor, the Akatsuki, the two other Sannin, and even Snake-be-gone failed to strike fear into Orochimaru's heart like fan girls did. Those creatures were far more evil than anything he could even think of doing.

"So, child, I saw you…drop by. What sort of jutsu was that? A teleportation jutsu?" Orochimaru asked curiously.

"Zack. My name is Zack, not 'child.' And I don't know how I got here. All I remember is being at my house eating Pringles and pestering my older sister and her friends, and the next thing I know it, I'm falling from the –censored– sky with my dog and K-chan." Zack said.

"I sense that there is more to your story than you think. I see great potential in you, Zack-kun, and with my help," Orochimaru paused to lick his lips coyly, "you can possess power beyond your wildest dreams."

"I could be a shinobi?" Zack asked enthusiastically. Orochimaru nodded. "Come with me and I can teach you everything you will need to know."

Zack smiled widely at his dream come true and agreed to the snake's offer. He collected his drumsticks and Snoopy and walked off with Orochimaru and Kabuto. Though before they got too far, Kabuto turned to his master and said, "Orochimaru-sama, we should make haste getting back to the base. Sasuke-kun grows impatient for the next training session."

And as if someone cranked the handle to a jack-in-the-box to the very end of the song, K-chan sprang back to life and exclaimed "SASUKE!? TAKE ME WITH YOU!" and ran top speed to the rest of the company. Once she caught up with the boys, K-chan skipped all the way to their destination rapt in thoughts of the Uchiha avenger. Kabuto sighed and Zack could have sworn he was going to recite Shikamaru's famous line. Though Orochimaru was the only one who did not pay much mind to K-chan, because his snaky eyes never left Zack.

Zack noticed the extra attention Orochimaru was giving and mused lowly, "I am gonna get raped tonight. I know it."

* * *

**I hope you all liked this chapter! I'm really sorry for not making it in time for my deadline, but Internet is sometimes really retarded in my dorm room and refuses to work.**

**Oh, and I hope the **_**Twilight **_**parody wasn't too weird. I'm not quite sure I like it, but I had the compulsion to just write it. A bunch of my friends are really big into **_**Twilight**_**, so I felt like I had to add that in as a parody. Hee-hee. **_**Twilight**_** fan girls (and fan boys…I don't judge,) please don't kill me! **

**Lastly, but not leastly, a big thanks to all my readers, especially my reviewers ****Scarlet Angelz****,****Kyuubi Dork****,****and****Hidan's Little Riku****. Thank you guys for reviewing and putting me on your favorites lists. I feel so special! Now Tobi will give you cookies.**

**Tobi: 'Cause Tobi is a good boy! **_**(Gives **__**Scarlet Angelz**__**, **__**Kyuubi Dork**__**, and **__**Hidan's Little Riku**__** cookies).**_

**So keep reviewing, guys! Reviews really keep me going and help me to get more motivated to write. Suggestions and constructive criticism are always welcome, but flames will be rewarded by being bitch slapped by Orochimaru's freakish, snake tongue.**


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